All my agony fades away
by dream2bawrtr
Summary: Their plan was solid, and everything was supposed to go smoothly. Nobody was supposed to get hurt during this mission! And yet someone did get hurt. [This is a fluffy one-shot. Pietro didn't die and Civil War did not happen in this one] Hope you like.


_**Disclaimer: I do not own these characters.**_

* * *

Their plan was solid, and everything was supposed to go smoothly. No one was supposed to get hurt!

The second Steve, Tony and Natasha walked out of the elevator, they began arguing with each other." You shouldn't have let him go after me! That was not part of the plan! And he wasn't even wearing his vest! You all knew that!" Natasha shouted, as she clenched her hands into small fists.

"You do not know what you're talking about." Tony replied calmly, as he inspected the huge gash on his arm.

"It wasn't his fault, Nat. I saw what happened.." Steve said, as he tried to console Natasha by putting a hand on her upper arm.

"Don't touch me. You were there too; you could have done something, Steve." Nat hissed, as she threw daggers with her eyes at him.

At that, Steve let out a sarcastic laugh that made Natasha totally loose it.

"Why? Why in the hell are you laughing? Huh? Bucky is in surgery right now! We don't know if he will survive through the night! Why is this funny to you, Steve?" she shouted, as she glared at her friend, her voice breaking, tears pooling in her sea green eyes.

"Natalia, listen to- " Steve began, but she harshly cut him off.

"Don't call me that!" She spat, as her whole body shook from anger. There was only one person who calls her that.

This was too much! Natasha felt so powerless. And that was a feeling she hated the most; being powerless. At the moment, she wasn't able to do anything for Bucky. God, she wished that she could have done something to prevent what had happened to him.

Tony felt guilty about what had happened, so he silently took a seat in a chair, not saying a thing.

"Nat, can you listen to me for a second?" Steve asked, as he took a step towards her once more, while holding his hands up in defense.

There she stood, in the middle of the office, her hands trembling heavily and her body beyond tense.

"Nat, at _that_ moment, nobody and I mean like _literally_ nobody and _nothing in the world_ could have stopped Bucky from running towards you. Even if we had tried. Am I being clear enough? Do you know what I mean with these words?" Steve pointed out, as he looked at her, his bright blue eyes locking on hers.

"He," Nat said and pointed at Tony, "He stood right next to Bucky." Nat replied coldly, while throwing daggers at Tony.

"Why are you being so stubborn, Nat? And so oblivious? Well, OK let me put it in words you will understand," Steve began, but this time Tony cut him off.

"What Steve means to say is that Frosty( Bucky) didn't care about getting hurt himself. I tried to stop him, I already had him in my grip believe me, but he fought me like his life depended on it and ran towards you anyways, sweetheart." Tony pointed out, as he walked towards Nat." When he heard that you were out gunned, Frosty didn't hesitate! He just went after you; his ear buds had a technical malfunction so he didn't hear that Sam and Pietro were already backing you up. At the time, Barnes didn't think of himself; he _only_ thought about _you."_

As those words reached her ears, Nat felt as if someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water on her. At that, she shook her head slowly." No. That's not true." she whispered.

Tony threw his hands up in the air, and said." You two have been working together on missions for more than two years now. Frosty and you work almost every single day together, and after missions we sometimes go out for drinks. Remember that one night you were so hammered?" Tony said, while locking eyes with Natasha.

At that, she nodded and replied, her brows furrowed." Uhuh. Yeah, I remember. It's a bit foggy though."

Tony then continued." Barnes was the one who carried you towards your apartment and tucked you in bed, sweetie." He pointed out.

Nat sighed deeply at that and whispered." He did? Seriously? I thought it was Clint."

Steve and Tony burst out into laughter at hearing that." No, Nat. Your best buddy Clint was just as drunk as you were that night. Bucky was the one who brought you safely to your bedroom in the Tower." Steve explained.

"Oh." Nat remarked and took a seat on the comfy couch, while a thousand and one things bounced inside her skull.

It was then, when Pietro and Wanda walked into Tony's office." Are you alright, Nat?" Wanda asked and took a seat next to the gorgeous redhead.

"Uhuh." Nat replied, her eyes plastered on a spot on the wall." I'm fine."

Pietro furrowed his brows and mouthed to Steve." How is she holding up? Is she OK?"

Steve mouthed back." She knows about Bucky."

Pietro nodded and mouthed back." Ooh! Finally." And rolled his eyes, making Tony and Wanda smile.

He then plopped himself down on the couch next to Nat." You OK, Red?" Pietro asked, genuinely concerned.

"Uhuh." Nat said and looked up at Pietro." Did you all know? About Barnes?"

Her eyes then darted towards Wanda and then back to Pietro." Because Tony and Steve seem to know before me. How about you twins?" Nat asked, while narrowing her emerald eyes.

Wanda nodded and smiled at her." Yes, Natasha. I knew." She admitted." Uhum, let's see. I found out 6 months ago."

Nat's mouth fell slightly open." Seriously?"

Wanda nodded at that." Uhuh, and when I confronted him about it, Bucky asked me to keep it from you."

At that, Nat shook her head." Are you kidding me?"

Wanda shook her head at that." No, I'm not. I wouldn't dare do such a thing."

Natasha then turned her face to Pietro." And you?" she asked.

He smiled from ear to ear." I knew also." Pietro pointed out and shook his head." Natasha, you work with the man almost every single day! How can you be _so_ oblivious to the fact that Barnes is in _love_ with you?"

At that, Natasha's eyes fluttered shut, while letting out a deep breath." You all are _so_ wrong about this. This… this can't be true… We're just partners during our missions and just _friends_." she mumbled, and got up from her seat.

"Pietro is right, Nat. And you know what the funny thing is? You feel the _same_ way about Bucky." Steve simply said, while his blue eyes sparkled, glad that Nat finally was going to have to face the naked truth about herself and his best friend.

* * *

Pain... Oh God, the pain. In the distance, Bucky heard sounds… incoherent sounds. He did his very best to try to place those sounds, but with no success. He tried to open his eyes, but he couldn't. Where was he? He was surrounded by only pain.

Pain was the only thing Bucky felt, as he desperately tried to gasp for air. But it hurt _so_ much to even breathe! God, it hurt. Once more, he tried to open his eyes and see, but his eyes weren't cooperating.

From afar he heard people shouting, but he was too weak. As their words reached his ears, he concentrated on listening what they were saying. But his mind was unable to do its job properly. Bucky couldn't understand a single word...

As he gave up with attempting to open his eyes, he wrestled with his mind. What had happened to him?

As his mind brought him back in time, bit by bit he remembered. Oh God, Natalia!

Now he was really determined to open his eyes… that gorgeous redhead with her sparkling emerald eyes…

As his eyes fluttered open, Bucky took in a deep breath. However, he instantly felt a familiar and oh so excruciating pain. He saw people in white coats and realized that he was in the hospital. There were three doctors and two nurses present.

At that, Bucky closed his eyes again and sucked in a much needed deep breath.

There it was again though... that gut wrenching pain once more. Aah! Now he remembered. Crap! He was shot!

Yup, before he lost consciousness, Bucky remembers feeling three bullets piercing through his body. Shit!

As a tear rolled down his cheeks from the excruciating pain, he gasped softly." Natalia… Nat. Where is… I have to… protect… Natalia, I need to… protect her." Bucky said softly, his sentences incoherent.

One of the nurses exclaimed." Doctor, the patient is awake!"

"How is that _even_ possible?! I already injected him with a heavy sedative!" the first doctor said, but was cut off by his colleague.

They've forgotten for a moment that their patient had been injected with the super soldier serum, decades ago.

"Don't just stand there! Help the man! If you don't do as I say, I swear that I…" the surgeon warned.

"I'm doing it now." The first doctor said hastily.

As Bucky watched what they were doing to him, he attempted once more to ask about his friend. He lied there in the hospital bed, not knowing what had happened to Natasha. He had to know if she was fine. Was she OK? He had to know. " Nat… Natalia Romanoff… no, it's Natasha, sorry. Is she alright? Where… where is sh… she?"

He had his eyes open and was fully aware of his surroundings. Bucky grabbed one of the doctor's hand, when he didn't get a reply from them.

"Tell me… is Natalia alive?"

However, the doctors nor the nurses gave Bucky an answer to his burning question. He felt himself slipping away gradually, because at a certain point the first doctor had injected him with a _very_ heavy sedative.

But Bucky had to know first if Natasha was OK.

'Oh, God. Please, please let Natalia be fine. Let her be alive.' Bucky hoped and prayed.

At that _very_ moment, Bucky wished that he had told Natasha what he felt for her. He didn't know when it started, but one morning he woke up and realized that he didn't just had platonic feelings for Natalia. That morning it dawned on him that his feelings for her had shifted from friendship to something more... Something _complicated_.

Very complicated!

And of course being his usual self, Bucky decided to shove said feelings _figuratively_ in a box and threw away the key… never wanting to open it up… like _never_.

Bucky fought hard to stay aware of his surroundings. He desperately fought to stay awake. He had to hold on, because of her— Natalia…  
At the moment, Bucky frantically attempted to stay conscious, but he felt himself slipping into a wonderful slumber.

No! He wanted to stay here… for her.

* * *

Three days after their failed mission, Natasha walked into the office and saw director Fury walking towards her. He told her that the doctor had called and told him that Bucky had a very good chance. He was going to make it.

"I didn't have any doubts, Romanoff. Barnes is one strong and tough guy. He's a fighter." her boss said, looking relieved and very pleased.

At that, she nodded and replied." I- uhum, I'm going to see him. I wanna see for myself if he's really OK."

"Of course, Romanoff. You can go." Fury said, and watched as Natasha hastily walked towards the elevator.

xxx

When Natasha heard that Bucky was going to survive, all she wanted at that very moment was to go and see him. But as the hospital came into view, Natasha felt so overwhelmed by emotions. She hadn't decided yet what she wanted to do about her feelings; she was _so_ confused!

Steve was right though… what he had said the night of the mission… She felt the same about Bucky. Crap!

It was then, when the hospital door slid open. So, with a huge lump in her throat, Nat walked inside his room. Bucky.

He was lying in the hospital bed, so calmly and peacefully. At the moment, Nat felt her heart drop. It was him but not him at the same time. Bucky's lips were pale and so was his whole face. The tears were pooling in her eyes, but they didn't roll down her cheeks- yet.

Nat grabbed a chair and took a seat next to his bed. She looked at Bucky's pale hand and had the urge to grab and hold it. But she didn't have the courage to do so. She was frightened… so freaking terrified.

Instead, Natasha watched him and kept praying for him to recover fast. Nat's eyes fluttered shut, as she thought about the night of the mission. The night when Bucky ran towards her, and used himself as a shield against those flying bullets... Bullets who were actually intended for her!

Nat could try to deny it, but deep inside she knew that she and Bucky had made a connection some time ago. She may deny that to herself and to the world, but that doesn't make it less true… and sure as hell did _not_ change that fact.  
Natasha never wanted to have a 'thing' with someone she was working with. And she was sure that Bucky felt the same. After all that he had been through during his time as 'the Winter Soldier'.

However, Bucky was single and so was she…

But they were partners during missions! And friends! She didn't want to lose his friendship. No…

Natasha shook those thoughts off, and decided to give it a rest. She quietly sat next to Bucky's bedside and studied the features on his face. Even though his face was pale, he still looked very handsome. She studied his hands and then looked at her own two hands. Compared to hers, his hand was so big.

But despite the big difference, in Nat's opinion her hand would fit perfectly in Bucky's. Then her eyes darted towards his metal hand. They were cold, she remembered. However, it was as gentle as him.

Something told Natasha to… to just grab his left hand, but she was too afraid. And she knew _exactly_ what she was afraid of. Nat was afraid to get hurt. God! She was so scared. Even though she knew that Bucky would _never_ hurt her in any way. But still...

While Natasha observed the gorgeous man before her, her mind drifted off to the times she and Bucky worked their missions and also after, when the team and her went out for drinks. She was a flirt; always had been. She liked flirting with men… hell, she even flirted with Steve and Banner. But that was just for fun… innocent stuff.

However, she never not even once attempted to flirt with Bucky…

Natasha looked at Bucky, her eyes landing on his thick, dark locks. She imagined how soft they must feel if she ran her fingers through it. And then Nat looked at his strong jawline… that jawline though.

Then her emerald eyes darted towards his hollow cheeks and his full, but chapped lips…

All of a sudden Nat's eyes welled up and she felt her anger rising. It hurt so much to see him like this. He was a good man. It wasn't right; it wasn't fair that this happened to Bucky!

Why did he do it? Why did he throw himself in front of her? Why did Bucky use himself as a shield? Why? Huh?

"You're so stupid, James! Why did you do it? Those bullets were supposed to harm me! Not you! You're so stupid!" Nat pointed out, and out of desperation she grabbed his metal hand, taking it in hers, intertwining their fingers.

Her heart ached, because there was nothing she could do for him. Nothing!

As their fingers interlaced together, the tears that Nat had been holding back finally rolled down her cheeks. "You're so stupid, James!" she scolded the blue-eyed man.  
At last… After three long days of bottling up her emotions, Natasha finally let go of it all...

But suddenly it wasn't enough. Suddenly she also wanted to feel his hair on her fingertips. Must she? Was she bold enough to do that? Yes. And just as she was about to do so, someone knocked on the door, so Nat instantly pulled her hand back, unlocking their fingers.

Natasha looked up and saw the men who rudely interrupted her. It was Tony and Steve.

xxx

It had been six days since their mission went horribly wrong, and Bucky getting injured. Nat had been sitting next to his hospital bed these passed days. After her initial shock and the guilt, she didn't want to go to the hospital. But once Nat sat next to Bucky's bedside, she didn't want to leave him again. The first few nights, she didn't even want to go home to sleep. She wanted to stay with him- her friend.

Director Fury practically had to force Natasha to go home to get some proper rest. She finally did go home for a few hours, because Fury threatened to suspend her. Plus, Wanda and Steve promised to stay with Bucky. But even after a warm shower and a few hours sleep in her own bed, Natasha felt the emptiness in her heart.

She felt empty and lonely. All she needed was for Bucky to wake up. He just had to do that _one_ thing; then everything would be OK again. Just that one big thing, so that excruciating and gnawing feeling in Natasha's gut would disappear instantly…

In the meantime, Steve, Sam and Pietro attempted to distract her by including her in other missions. However, Natasha refused and stubbornly sat near Bucky's hospital bed. They tried to help her get her mind off of him, but they failed miserably, because Nat was being her stubborn self. Her mind was only set on Bucky's recovery.  
Barnes… Bucky… James.

Without knowing it, he was totally and completely consuming Natasha's mind, and… heart? The latter… is it true though?

Yes, it was a possibility…

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Note: Thanks for reading. :)

What do you think of it?


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